Unbearable
by Julia451
Summary: What does Prince Zuko mean to Aang? Anyone ever notice which specific nightmare it is that makes Aang decide to stop trying to bring on the Avatar State? One-shot set during "The Avatar State." A look at how Aang sees Zuko at this point in the series.


"_For the people who love you, watching you be in that much rage and pain is really scary."_

It was even scarier being the one in that much rage and pain, but he couldn't let that stop him. Aang hoped Katara didn't think he was enjoying this. He hated going into the Avatar State, turning into an unstoppable killing machine, having no control over himself or what he did... or whom he hurt. But Katara must know that. She knew about the nightmares he had, and she would know he wouldn't have so many nightmares about it if it didn't terrify him so much. But he had to be brave. He had to be strong. He had to do his duty as the Avatar. He'd failed a hundred years ago, and so many lives had been ruined because of it. He couldn't fail now – he had to fix things as soon as possible, put an end to the slaughter. The fastest way was best. This was best. What kind of Avatar would he be if he let a few nightmares stop him from saving the world? He could sacrifice a few hours' sleep for the good of the world. Katara knew he didn't like it, and she just didn't want to see him suffer. That meant a lot to him, but if the general's plan could help so many people and hurt only him, it was the right thing to do.

It _must_ be the right thing to do... Aang had been trying not to think about this before bed, but tonight, after Katara's warning, he couldn't help it. Was he doing the right thing, or was it too dangerous? He risked so many lives by waiting to defeat the Fire Lord later, but there were risks involved with this, too. Was he risking too much by trying to bring on the Avatar State? Who was he putting in danger? He remembered how he'd almost blown Katara and Sokka off the mountain when he'd gone into the Avatar State; that had been his first nightmare. He couldn't bear the thought of hurting them. But he had the general and his troops looking out for him now – they wouldn't let anything happen to his friends. Katara and Sokka were actually safer than they would be if it happened by accident when they were off their guard.

But he'd be attacking people who most definitely _wouldn't_ be safe. Aang remembered fighting the Fire Nation at Crescent Island and the North Pole. Katara and Sokka had assured him no one had gotten hurt when Roku saved them during the solstice, but during the invasion... Aang shook his head, trying not to imagine how many of Zhao's fleet hadn't survived being drowned, crushed, and tossed about during that battle. Katara had assured him over and over again that it wasn't his fault. Sokka, on the other hand, had insisted that Aang didn't have anything to be sorry for even if it _was_, that he "did what he had to do" to save the Northern Water Tribe. Could he really go through that again? Unleash the Avatar State on even more people?

Aang's first objection to the plan returned in full force. He hated the thought of killing, even if it was to protect other, innocent lives! The monks had taught him there was always a better way. By doing this, wasn't he betraying them all? Betraying everything Gyatso had taught him?

What would Gyatso tell him to do? He'd probably try to stop him because he wanted to protect him, just like Katara did, just like he'd tried to do before Aang ran away. But he couldn't be a coward. If there was no better way to stop the Fire Nation from hurting people, what choice did he have? The world was counting on him. He simply _couldn't_ protect _everybody_, and this was the only way to protect the innocent. This was the way to stop the war while causing the least amount of harm. On his own, he couldn't control whom the Avatar State attacked or hurt; with General Fong and the other soldiers helping him, he could be sure innocent people wouldn't get hurt. They'd only let him attack the Fire Nation, who were attacking people anyway. They didn't want to hurt anyone; they wanted to help people. They wouldn't let him hurt anyone...

He was on the deck of a small Fire Nation ship in the south seas. The Avatar rose up out of the ocean atop a raging whirlpool and crashed onto the deck, sending him flying. His face contorted with blind rage, the Avatar turned to face his opponent. It wasn't Katara or Sokka or some Fire Nation soldier in a mask. It was Prince Zuko. With a look of pure terror in his eyes, the prince turned and fled. The Avatar raised his arm and brought the battering ram of water down on him...

No! Aang shot up with a horrified gasp. It was just another nightmare... another memory... He took a few deep breaths as he reminded himself where he was. _It wasn't real_, he silently told himself. _It happened a long time ago. It didn't happen again..._

But it _would_ happen again. Zuko was the prince of the Fire Nation. If he had survived the North Pole... no, Aang knew in his heart that the prince had survived – he was too determined to do otherwise. Which meant, sooner or later, Aang would find himself facing him again. The Avatar would show him no more mercy than it did anyone. The Earth Kingdom would show him no mercy, either; protecting the Fire Prince would not be a priority for them. If the prince ended up in danger, he wouldn't have a chance; no one would be looking out for him.

And Aang couldn't bear the thought of that. Nobody would understand, of course. Katara and Sokka would probably think he was crazy. Zuko had followed them around the world, causing them constant trouble, putting them in all sorts of danger whether from Earth Kingdom pirates or Fire Nation admirals, making sure they never knew a moment's peace. But ever since that night at the fortress, Aang, without meaning to, without expecting it, without understanding it, had come to see the prince less as an enemy and more as... a protector. Zuko's determination to capture him meant he wouldn't let anyone else harm him. Having Zuko always following him, always keeping an eye on him, felt like having someone always watching out for him. As strange as it was, Aang had actually started to find it comforting to know the prince would always be there, guarding him from other, more dangerous enemies. After all, it was much better to have someone like Zuko for an enemy than someone like Zhao. Aang had never seen Zuko hurt anyone, even when he had the chance.

Most of the Fire Nation soldiers they'd met were evil and dangerous, but Zuko was different; he wasn't like the others. He didn't want to hurt innocent people any more than Aang did. Aang didn't even think he enjoyed this mission to capture him. When he'd had him on his ship, all he'd been interested in was getting to go home. Aang had already started to feel sorry for him that day. He'd wanted to know why he'd lost his home. He felt even sorrier for him after the Southern Air Temple. Sokka and Katara cared about him, but they couldn't understand how he felt, now that he knew he'd lost his entire home and family; at the time, he couldn't help thinking the young prince would know how he felt and wishing he could ask him how you deal with that.

That was why Aang had asked him that day in the woods if they could be friends – he knew they already had something in common. But Zuko was such a puzzle – something about him seemed so honorable, but he was always so angry and vicious. He must have been through something horrible, something devastating and painful, although Aang could tell that from his scar alone. What had happened to him? Whatever it was, fighting together and saving each other's lives hadn't been enough to counteract it.

Aang knew Zuko had only saved him from Zhao because _he_ wanted to capture him, but did that matter? Whatever his motive, Zuko's persistence had saved him. No matter how you looked at it, what it came down to was, if it hadn't been for Zuko, he might still be locked up there, and Katara and Sokka would have... They all owed Zuko their lives. At least, they had; if he knew, Sokka would probably say saving him at the North Pole had made them even. Aang had never told his friends that part of the adventure, though; it felt like a special secret between just him and Zuko, and he liked that. He'd been so disappointed when the prince turned on him after he asked if they could be friends, but he felt like that secret still bonded them together somehow. Maybe the next time they met (Aang knew they would, that Zuko would make sure of it), things would be different. Maybe what had happened at the North Pole had affected him, too. Maybe they'd have another chance.

Or would they? Aang knew what would happen to Zuko if the prince ever met him in the Avatar State again. Zuko may have been a little older than him, but he was still just a kid (he might have been Aang's age when he got that scar!) – he didn't deserve to be... Aang didn't want to hurt him. But if the general's plan succeeded, he might. Zuko was the one in the most danger from what they were doing. Zuko was what he was risking by going along with this!

No! Aang decided then and there that this had to stop, that this power was too dangerous to mess with. "Sokka... Sokka, wake up. I don't think we should be trying to bring on the Avatar State." Sokka didn't argue, didn't ask him why. Aang was relieved; he doubted Sokka or anyone would understand.

He planned to tell Katara first thing tomorrow, but when morning came, he decided he'd better go right to the general and end this as soon as possible. Aang knew General Fong would object, and that this would probably make winning the war more difficult, but it didn't matter. Aang would sacrifice his own comfort, his own peace of mind, anything of his own to save the world, but he refused to sacrifice anyone else... especially Zuko.

After Avatar Roku told him the real danger of what he'd been doing, Aang wondered how much longer he would have kept it up, how far he would have gone, if his last nightmare hadn't changed his mind and they'd continued with the plan. If things had gone differently that day, Roku wouldn't have been able to warn him, and where would carelessly abusing the Avatar State have led? Aang now knew just how devastating the results might have been.

No matter how many miles separated them, no matter where he went, or how things changed, Zuko was still protecting him.


End file.
